11.26.2013

Keep Calm and Shut Up

38 comments
 







Off-white Vest: Forever 21
Teal Tribal Maxi Dress: Forever 21 Plus
Yellow Wedges: Cotton On
Yellow Statement Necklace and Belt: Bazaar

When you have a sister with a pretty face, cute chinky eyes, who fits the "regular" mold of being 5'3" and a size 2/4, some people tend to think you're invisible. You go to parties and all you hear are adoring comments on how your mom is so lucky to have such a beautiful daughter, (singular, not plural) who looks just like her.

But when you do get noticed, it's by people who decide that your plump body and taller-than-most height is their business. You get untethered opinions on how pretty could have been, if only you'd shed some pounds; how you have the height of a model, but with your width, you're bigger than a man; how you should lose weight first before a boy finds you the least bit interesting; how you shouldn't be seated at the end to avoid a flat tire; or how you shouldn't be allowed near the kitchen lest you eat all the food. Ha. ha.. ha...

Everybody's laughing except you.

When you are pummeled by these ideas from an aunt, an uncle, heartless classmates, your mom's friend, your tutor, a talkative saleslady or a random stranger, your ego doesn't just get bruised, it gets beaten down. It will be a bloodied mess even you won't want to touch. A kid in the stages of developing a sense of identity can't handle all your stereotypical "advice" or "good-nature jokes" on what she should look like. It's never funny for the person at the receiving end. She will learn to loathe attention, crawl into a defensive shell and miss out on a lot of experiences in life because she expects everyone to look at her and only see her fat.

So, DON'T. Don't make a joke out of a person. If you can't find anything good (half-meant jokes are hurtful) to say, then just keep your opinions to yourself.

Because that kid will one day grow up. And she will remember.


Hugs,
The Belated Bloomer

38 comments:

  1. Oh dear, you look stunning in this outfit! The yellow and blue combo in an outfit really beautiful. That color cream vest is also perfect. Dear, some people cannot just keep their opinions to themselves. I believe some words are better left unsaid. For me, you look gorgeous and you always pull off the looks you posted. XoXo

    Visit my blog: I AM JENNIYA.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. And yes, some words are better left unsaid. :)

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  2. I love this color combination and how the dress brings out your beautiful figure. I've also noticed that Asian families tend to be really bad with sensitivity toward weight; jokes and insults about looks seem natural. My own experience with body-shaming prompted me to write this blog post a couple of months ago, actually: http://anotherbeautifulthing.blogspot.com/2013/07/dont-call-me-fat-asian-american-body.html

    Brittney

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    Replies

    1. Oh yes. People in this part of the world are rude and callous when it comes to weight, which is why I continue to blog. :)

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  3. Nothing cuter than a maxi dress paired with either a cropped jacket or a cropped vest. Then too, a lovely pair of wedge sandals doesn't hurt either. So I really dig your style here. Your words are so true in this post. Abi awesomeness.

    johnbmarine.blogspot.com

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  4. This kid is so me. Although I was just a bit overweight growing up, other kids tend to be so superficial. And adults are just plain tactless. My confidence is ruined. I cant speak in front of a crowd bacause I always think what they see of me. :(
    Loving your maxi. I wish a 5' girl like me could wear this and look good ,too.
    Loving you maxi.

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    Replies
    1. I know how hearing these things can make you hurt your confidence, but I believe that you can overcome those fears and show everyone how WRONG they are. :)

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  5. Love the dress so much!

    I’m an italian fashion blogger and I’m following you on GFC and in all the social networks! Would you do the same on for me? Thank you so much! Let me know when you follow me in my last post .

    Giada, blogger of Being Over the Moon
    Last post: Dark Outfit & White Scarf

    - Facebook Page
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    ReplyDelete
  6. This post came at such a perfect time! I think Thanksgiving is where all the mean-spirited comments come together to breed. I think it's the most hurtful when it comes from your own family - they're the ones who are supposed to love and accept you! No more body -shaming, I say!

    On a sartorial note, Love the combination of teal and yellow - it's such a refreshing color combination for winter and I love it! The dress is absolutely magnificent as well! You look gorgeous!

    xo Deborah
    Coffee, Prose, and Pretty Clothes

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    Replies
    1. I think family members often say these to make a joke, because they don't know what to say, or because they really believe that being skinny is the epitome of beauty. This is why we, the new generation, should really start reshaping our beliefs.

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  7. You look so pretty in this maxi dress, I just love this color!

    I can't believe people really even say these things, especially family members. Shame on them!

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  8. you are so beautiful and inspiring!

    one thing I realized that I really don't like people commenting on my body, skinny or not. So I am trying to stop commenting on other peoples'...you know like "oh you got so skinny". like who cares? as long as I feel good

    passionateturban.blogspot.com

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  9. Everything you said here touched my heart. I hate when all people can focus on is a body (especially girls my age! Its ALL they care about!) and not about the person. This seriously matters to me, and I'm glad you wrote something about it.
    I think you are a smart girl with a lovely body and beautiful smile! So never stop msiling and ignore all the negative comments!
    Also, can I just say that I love your teal maxi dress and the accent of yellow with your statement necklace :)

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

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    Replies
    1. I think it helps when we speak about it not being just OK, because these words are so easily said but the damage they cause lasts for years.

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  10. I know what you mean Abi, some people can be so heartless and don't know when to stop with the jokes. There was a time when I would give them a dose of their own medicine, answering back with biting sarcasm, but then it would just mean that I'm sinking way down low to their level so I just smile and just be the better person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We, who know what it's like to be put down, often turn out to be better people because we learn compassion and empathy along the way.

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  11. You look gorgeous darling...
    Join my Christmas giveaway here: http://fashionalatic.blogspot.pt/2013/11/rosegal-sweater-giveaway.html
    Hugs :)

    http://fashionalatic.blogspot.com

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  12. wow dear you look SO adorable, the entire look is stunning!
    Emma xx
    http://iemmafashion.com/

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  13. Abi I can totally relate to this post in so many ways, especially growing up I remember going to my moms filipino club events and hearing all those same comments and I was really rebellious that I talked back and would get in trouble. But in reality those things really got to me but I tried not to let them. But I agree that telling a kid those things can totally stick with them because I've seen that happen to me and to other people around me. But yeah in other things that outfit is gorgeous. I love the maxi skirt and pops of yellow! :)

    Nina
    http://curvymod.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. We survived! Yay! :D Haha! Seriously though, a kid hearing all those things make her feel bad for herself when she doesn't need to worry about a perfectly healthy body.

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  14. The teal and the yellow is so fun and pretty together! Such a great look on you.

    Sincerely,
    Sabrina

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  15. Ooh, what a lovely colour on you! The print is great and I'm loving the pops of yellow! xo

    -Jen

    www.vibrantbeautyblog.com

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  16. Seriously, just ignore everyone because Karma is coming back to them for every cutthroat little sniveling word they say. How a person looks has NOTHING to do with their inside. You shine bright, you're smart, you're compassionate, and you're awesome. Just being honest. Whining strangers and quipping relatives can scutter on back down to their lairs.

    also, you look great here. Rock your body. As long as YOU'RE healthy, and YOU'RE happy, screw them.

    love,
    a

    www.missdecaf.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Woot! :) I love that! Just the pep talk I need! :)

      Delete
  17. Make a post on how to respond to these people. I'm interested to know! :P

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